checking out

right before my birthday, I was thinking about checking out of this place called life......wanted to see my dad and unresolved issues with another family memeber left me feeling no need to stay.....so I went and got help and now am trying to work on the problems but some problems I guess I cant just "workout" I must supress and move on I guess.......funny thing I dont want to die yet because I have a mental disorder I sometimes want to "checkout". I dont really understand why but it is what it is.......My mental disorder is Bipolar 1 with anxiety, which is the more serious form of Bipolar disorders......sucks but I have no choice but face the struggles of these disorders everyday.....most people dont know that about me or about Bipolar in general, it doesnt just go away with meds......I must actively work with it on a day to day basis, every new thing to happen to me also happens with the Bipolar, which makes seemingly easy things to do a mountainis task for me.........anyway just doing a little public journaling